On your Tagaytay wedding, the preparation, the walking down the aisle, the cinematic kiss, and everything else that happens at the reception are the various peaks of the experience. However, what makes all of these meaningful is the love story behind it all, encapsulated in vows that the bride and groom shares.
If the sacrament is the soul of the wedding, then the vows are its heart. It not only contextualizes the “why” of the celebration, it puts into writing the love that the couple shares. While it isn’t exactly as easy as it sounds to write your vows, we promise that it shouldn’t also be hard! It’s basically your love story in writing and below are some tips on how to put all of that into writing.
Actually Write It (And Practice)
First tip: Write. You wouldn’t want to make promises that get blown out by the wind so don’t even think about winging your vows.
You also have to write in advance. Don’t wait until the last moment to write your vows. These are important words that paint a picture of things you’ve been through, and things you look forward to.
As you write, start with a list of things you want to talk about. It would also help to outline what you want to say to give your vows structure, making sure everything you want to say does not get lost in translation. A lack of flow in your composition might make things get lost in translation or confusing. Organizing your thoughts before writing them down also helps you make points clearer.
Start with a draft and practice with it. You can also practice in front of someone you trust like your best man/maid of honor. Take note of inputs: is it too TMI or does it lack palpable story telling? Is what you’re trying to say really coming across or did you put in one too many highfalutin words that it shadows your message? Draft and edit with love, care, and every consideration for your partner.
Be You
It would be nice to get inspiration on what to write by watching viral vow exchanges online. This could inspire you to write in a similar way to how others wrote theirs. However, be careful with getting inspired that it overshadows you.
Write how you would write. Write in a language you’re comfortable in, and make your vows sound the way you sound. Your partner knows you to be analytic? Put an observational take on your vows. Your partner fell in love with your humor? Crack an affectionate joke or two. However you decide to write, make sure that, as they read it in the future, your partner will hear you through that piece of paper.
Example: Deh, I know you’re not a man of many words, pero lahat ng ginagawa mo para sa akin ang ingay! Nakakabingi! In the past 5 years, I never once had to make or buy my own coffee; laging may timpla ka para sa akin, or laging may takeout kang ready at ‘yung gesture na yun e naghuhumiyaw araw araw para sa akin na “HOY MAHAL KITA!” kahit ang tipid mo magsalita.
Share Pieces of Personal Stories
Anecdotes are important because they ground the story. Saying how much you love them and how much they love you is sweet, but illustrating what “love” means through stories makes it palpable. Moments that stick to memory are important because these are the stories that are proof of what you mean to each other.
The stories don’t have to be grand either. Real life love stories aren’t always spiced up with big melodramatic moments so don’t pressure yourself into thinking that a story has to be outrageous to make it vow-worthy. Big moments are just as full of love as the small everyday “nothings” that are everything.
Example: When I went to work abroad for a time, the first night I came home to that apartment—pag uwi ko na walang sumalubong sa akin, wala akong hug, hindi ko mai-kwento agad kumusta ang araw ko, when I realized your smile wasn’t there to brighten the room—that’s when I knew I needed to give you your dream Tagaytay wedding pag uwi ko ng Pinas kasi I never want to come home ulit na hindi ko makikita smile mo.
Keep it Real
There’s an old story about a king that asked his 3 daughters “how much do you love me?” The first daughter answered “as much as all the gems in the world.” The second daughter answered “as much as the moon and stars.” The youngest daughter answered “I love you as much as a daughter loves her father.” While the king is pleased by the answer of the first 2 daughters, he grows angry at the youngest daughter. After a while, the king got sick, and only the youngest daughter stayed to take care of him. He realizes, what love is there for material things like gems, or things we can’t comprehend like the moon and stars, when right here, his daughter loves him as much as she ought to.
This is a perfect illustration of how keeping your vows realistic weighs so much more than promising them the stars and the moon. These vows are words that your partner will hold onto in the good times and in the bad. Keeping your promises realistic helps them hold onto something, well… real.
Example: I know how much you struggled by yourself through your younger years. I can’t promise that the future will be struggle free, but I do promise that, no matter how hard things get, you will never ever have to struggle alone, ever again.
Make Promises
They’re called vows because you’re supposed to vow or make a promise so make this integral to what you write. Everything that colors your vows, like stories, quotes, humorous quips, or memorable one liners are supposed to help give weight to the promises you make.
Example: That time when I lent you my slippers because your heels are already killing you, I never thought I would walk half a kilometer barefoot as happily as I did that night. It was my pleasure to give you a bit of comfort then and I promise to give you a comfortable life for as long as I can.
Things to Avoid
- Write for Your Partner but Make it Relatable – You aren’t writing for your guests but don’t leave them out; try your best to avoid inside jokes that people won’t understand or are not contextualized in your vows.
- Avoid Cliches – Make your vows yours. While it’s OK to get inspiration from how others write their vows, you don’t want yours to be a copy of what they said.
- Watch Your Words – While you try to put a lot of personality into your vow, hopefully you don’t go overboard and put in things that might sound uncomfortable, like embarrassing anecdotes, sounding conceited or blamey, or even using terms like “kahit ganiyan ‘yan.”
With these tips, you have more than enough to work with to write the vows that your partner can look back on with twinkling eyes and a full heart. Start writing, don’t forget to practice, pour your heart and soul into your vows, and you’ll find that the words come more naturally to you. After all, all you’re doing is putting your love story into paper.